I wanted to thank RMCarter for bringing my attention to this great article. Over the past 2+ years I’ve struggled with how many people I wanted to tell about my being infertile, how much detail I wanted to go into, how I wanted to answer their (sometimes insensitive) comments and statements. I’ve never been one to get real upset when someone says something or asks something insensitive. I realize that it is not their fault….they don’t realize they are being insensitive. It’s not their fault they ask sometimes strange questions about what we are going through….why in the world would they ever need to know what we are going through….they aren’t going through it! Most of the time they are just curious….I totally get it.
I go back and forth a lot….sometimes I want to share this entire journey with the entire world, sometimes I don’t want anyone to know. I’ve realized over the past few months that even though I’m not ready to share this entire journey with every friend and family member I have….I am ready to open up a bit more to what I am going through. I took my blog off of “private” so that I could meet new friends who I could support, and also who could support me and understand what I am going through. I’ve invited more “real-life” friends to read my blog (thank you to those who have stuck with me….I appreciate it even if I don’t say so.) I am more open to answering questions about our journey. Though it is difficult….if you want to know….I’ll tell you.
The point of this post is to say that even though I’ve been able to open up more to people, this also opens me up to more pain when those I have let in don’t know how to support me. Again, I wanted to thank RMCarter for bringing this article to my attention. The author describes in detail things not to say to someone who is infertile. I’ve dealt with many of these statements over the past 2+ years and it is so painful. While I love the support, I hope people will learn how to best support me through this process.
Aside from this article, you can support me by understanding that I am not going to be the best of friend during this time. I may cancel plans, I may not make plans at all, I may not return your phone call, I may not comment on your facebook post, I may not return your phone call, I may bit a bit spacey, I may not make a whole lot of sense to you right now, I may not seem to care about much else (which is probably true, I apologize.) I can do very little right now to plan for my future, it’s day by day. I am doing what I can right now, and trying to focus on other things as I can, but if I don't act like myself that doesn’t mean that I don’t love you and appreciate your support. Please read this article to see how you can support me. XOXO!
10 comments:
Love, love, love this post!! I totally hear you on this! In fact, I hope you don't mind that I borrowed this idea for my blog also. It's almost comical how people come up with the same few comments to say to infertile people. It can be so irritating but sometimes they really just don't know what to say or do. Hopefully, you won't have to deal with this much longer and this IVF cycle works for you!!
that article was great. Thanks for posting!
Wow that is a great article-I've just printed it off!
Just recently I wrote a post where I was annoyed that as the only childless couple at a NY bbq, everyone kept telling us to 'enjoy our sleep ins',I wish I could have given out copies of this article!
I struggle too, with deciding who I want to tell, and have had some suprisingly supportive responses from the most unexpected people, and the worst comments from good friends!
All the best with your IVF cycle Krista, and thanks for stopping by my blog!Ants x
How you are feeling is the same as me! We all feel like this I think.
Hows things going with you?
x
How many units of Lupron are you taking. I totally agree about being willing to deal with hot flashes. This is our first winter in our new (to us) house and we don't want to blow all of our money heating it. I had a localized reaction last night but tonight I used a heating pad before and after and didn't have any reaction. When do you go in for baseline testing?
It's such a monster in our lives, an I don't think those that are naive to this realise how much it takes over our lives..
Best wishes in 2011 xo
Great post! I really struggled with that the past two years... who to tell who not to tell. Finally, when people would ask, "So when are you having kids?" I would smile and say, "When God decides to bless me with them!" Although I wanted to say something completely opposite and get upset! I now realize how personal that question is!
Anyway, I guess God decided to finally bless us! Thank you for your lovely comment!
I am excited for you for your upcoming IVF!!!!
I don't know how units compare to cc's, but I am doing 20 units of Lupron. I know exactly how you feel, just waiting for AF to know when everything is going to happen. The nurse said it usually comes 10 days after starting. I got some hot flashes yesterday, and I have to say, not as pleasantly warm as I thought I would be. My face got completely flushed and I felt overwhelming hot. We are getting the hang of the injections. I will be on Gonal-F, Menopur and then trigger with Ovidrel. Will you be doing IM progesterone? How many of your close friends/family have you told about the IVF? Glad to have someone who is pretty much in the same spot so we can be cycle buddies! Hope everything is going well for you.
Thats a great post!! I feel like I was the one talking. I don't know you but I feel your pain thur and thur.
You've hit on something it seems so many of us relate to. I've been in day-to-day survival mode for so long. I know some people have been very frustrated with me because I really don't dare plan anything beyond this week (still!) and I've lost friends. Still it seems easier to have people baffled and frustrated by my bizarre behaviour than to come out with the truth. There have been too many stupid comments and uncaring responses - I don't trust people with something so painful and private.
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