Last year I decided to join the Junior League. For those of you that don't know what the Junior League is...here is the international website. There is a Junior League chapter in nearly every city in the United States, and chapters in some cities in other countries as well. I decided to join to get more involved in the community and to meet women like myself in my area....it's really been a great experience. I was assigned to a "small group" for my first year, the women in my group live near me, and once a month we get together with our "advisor" to share information, get to know each other, etc. At our December get-together someone asked me if we were planning to have children (yes, as I've mentioned ....I get this question frequently, and no it doesn't bother me if someone asks me once.) I was completely open and honest and said that we'd been trying for a few years and that I'd been diagnosed with PCOS. Everyone was very nice about it and it wasn't too awfully uncomfortable.
A few weeks later, I got a call from one of the girls in my group. This girl was someone that I knew I'd hit if off with as soon as we met....we even went to a Christmas lunch together with another one of the girls and had a great time. She called and left me a message saying that she really wanted to talk to me about something, that she had just found something out from her doctor that she thinks I can help her with. Unfortunately, this was right in the middle of my IVF cycle, so we weren't able to talk right away. Then, she's been out of town for awhile because her husband's grandmother passed away.
Finally, we were able to get together yesterday morning for coffee and chit chat. Turns out that she has ALSO been struggling with infertility! She said she's been off the pill for awhile and was starting to get worried because she hadn't yet conceived. So, she went to her doctor in January where she was diagnosed with none other than PCOS! We talked for a long time and I was able to give her advice, tell her my experience over the past few years, answer her questions, etc.
The weird part is that I just recently started opening up to people about my infertility. For a few years, I wasn't really open about it except to a select few friends, and just recently started opening up a bit more and telling more people what has been going on. When someone asked me about having kids at that December meeting, had I not been completely open this friend would never have known I was struggling with infertility, and she never would have come to me when she found out she was struggling with the same thing as me. It was nice to be able to help someone who is at the start of this journey (I hope hers is short since they figured out the PCOS so soon, unlike me which took 2 years.) I wish that when I started this journey I would have had someone who I could talk to who had been through it, who would have been open and honest with me, and given me advice. It was hard turning to the internet constantly trying to find answers and help and advice and support.
I'm glad I can open up a bit more about what is going on, it makes me feel so good to be able to help others going through this terrible struggle. Support from friends is so important when you are struggling with infertility!
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13 comments:
What an awesome connection! It is pretty incredible, I found once I was more open about IF, I inevitably found several people in a similar boat. I recently read something about women who utilize support groups are more likely to have a successful ivf cycle, interesting huh? Glad you found someone tO connect with.
SHOUT I say. I'm a wreck and glad I have u all!
I've connected with some others too from work and church and I need them and hope they can say the same about me. It's just nice to talk to someone who understands. I wish we had some kind of local support group... one out of eight couples means that there's a lot of people out there fighting infertility!
This is such a nice post! It's awesome to be able to help out other women. I always struggle with how many people to tell about what we've been through, but have tended to be more open with more people as time goes on...
-Kristen from www.buckupbuttercup.net
Great post! We've started being more open about our IF struggles in the past few months, and it's amazing how many others are also struggling. One of my best friends just opened up to me about how they've been TTC for 7 months, but she has severe endo and they're worried this is going to be a long, painful journey. I sincerely hope it's not, but at the same time, I'm glad she knew she could talk to me about things!
Quick question - which RE are you using in Denver? I live in southwest CO and we're using Dr. Surrey at CCRM. So far I'm definitely impressed!
(here from ICLW)
Amen Sister!
I too have only started to open up about it (the blog has really opened the box)...and I'm amazed at what (and who) I've found. We can suffer in silence - or find strength in numbers.
I had a similar experience recently. A friend asked me about it and I told her. She is going through the same thing. It's so nice to find people in our real lives to go through this with together.
AP
It does feel nice to open up about things. The journey to pregnancy and expanding the family is such a private one. Then, when fertility issues are added, there's the frustration, sadness, and embarrassment that no one wants to share with anyone! I was silent for over a year, and then had a breakdown during a service excellence class in orientation for a new job! We were supposed to introduce ourselves and then share something about who we really are. Many went before me and shared personal things. When it was my turn, I just lost it, started crying, and explained how all I really wanted was to be a mom. So embarrassing and unlike me!! Lol. But it was good. Everyone else was crying and I got a lot of support. Since then, I've been more open (selectively) and it's really helped. Strange how that happens...
I agree... once I started opening up, there was a snowball effect :) Great to support others and I also wish that I had known someone to talk with earlier in my journey. Thanks for your encouragement today... turns out the cyst is not producing estrogen - to all fine to go ahead :)) xoxo
Funny, I met a woman at a JL meeting who opened up about why she did not have children and I learned that she was going to CCRM. My husband and i were just starting to look at CCRM. She has been a great resource for us. She is now preggers with twins! I'm glad you have each other - it helps!
I agree! Support from friends is so important and it's so awesome to have people you can talk to who understand. I've found that the more people I tell, the more people I find who have gone through similar things. It really helps!
I appreciate all of your kind words recently, I am slowly starting to feel better. Some days are hard and it is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I know things will improve. Thanks so much for your support, it means a lot to me!
Great post! I wanted to say thank you for your comment on my blog post, I really appreciate your support. And I'm so glad that you were able to connect with this women to support her as well. Hopefully it's provided you some needed time to talk about your own journey- that proved to be incredibly helpful to me when I found out a friend of mine was struggling with multiple miscarriages. We talked for a long time and it just gave me a great chance to help someone else and at the same time release my own burden.
Thanks again! I'm definitely thinking of you- and following along :)
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