My Response to the “Anonymous” Comments on my last post

I considered just putting my response in the comments section, but again….since this is MY blog….I can do whatever I want, and since there is a few things I’d like to make PERFECTLY clear regarding me and my blog….I’m putting up another post.

First of all, I want to thank so many of you for your AWESOME comments of love, support, understanding, and the reassurance that my feelings are completely normal and that I am not alone in them. You guys continually warm my heart, bring tears to my eyes, and make this journey easier on me. Thank you a hundred times over for coming to my defense. This post is almost not even warranted because so many of you have already come to my defense. But, like I said….there are a few things I want to make perfectly clear here regarding my feelings.`

Second of all, my immediate reaction to these “anonymous” comments were either to delete them, or just to delete my whole entire post and forget this ever happened. The whole thing is so upsetting to me...I feel attacked during my most vulnerable hour, when what I need most is love, understanding and support. It always amazes me how we humans just LOVE to attack each other during our most vulnerable moments....why do people do this?  I decided immediately against deleting the post….mostly because while I do feel very vulnerable, I am finding the strength and not backing down. I am standing up not only for myself but everyone else out there who is infertile and JUST wants to be heard and understood. This is MY journey, and I believe it is ALWAYS okay to share how I am feeling……the good, the bad…whatever. I NEED this outlet to get through this journey…this outlet means that I can share how I am feeling from day to day, moment to moment…even if sometimes I don't feel positive. This is MY journey.  This is MY place to come and vent when something is bothering me.

I then decided to leave the "anon" comments up because I am in complete shock by how insensitive and ignorant they are. Because this is a perfect example of the insensitivity and ignorance out there regarding infertility….I am leaving them up in all their insensitive and ignorant glory for the world to see.  

I’d like to add that I have no idea how you “anonymous” people found my blog or my post. Do you sit around cruising the infertile blogs just waiting to jump on someone and make an insensitive and ignorant comment? Just for the record….you are NOT welcome here. I request that only people who support me and my journey 100% visit my blog and leave comments. So if you don’t have anything nice to say…..get lost!

The FIRST thing I want to make crystal clear is that I have NEVER gotten upset by someone else’s pregnancy.  If I got upset every time I found out a friend, a family member, a neighbor, a complete stranger was pregnant….well, then I’d be upset ALL THE TIME, and that just isn’t me. Generally, I am a VERY happy person.  Yes, this journey has been difficult on me and there has been a lot of trying times, but I’ve never let it rule my life and change me at my core. I’m definitely not a “miserable” person…and clearly you don’t know me if you think I am miserable, or if you think I’d let someone’s pregnancy announcement make me miserable. That is so far from who I am…it is almost laughable.  The post below was not even about getting upset over ANY pregnancies….when did I EVER say I was upset over a pregnancy or not happy for someone? I’ve made myself perfectly clear in every post that I am ALWAYS happy for people’s pregnancies….pregnancy is a beautiful part of life. I have NEVER said it was not okay to discuss a pregnancy around me, or to post a pregnancy announcement on facebook. When did I EVER say that?!When have I EVER gotten “pissed” over someone talking about their kids or babies???  It might be MY choice to take periodic breaks from FB when I am going through something especially difficult, but that is MY choice. I don’t ask anyone not to post about their pregnancy or their baby/kid excitement.  I have NEVER said that is not okay. Of course I don't want anyone to hide anything from me....I want friends to be upfront and honest....but also sensitive to what I am going through.  As far as the college roommate making the comments on my pictures…no she wasn’t completely innocent…no matter how much credit you want to give her. She is a VERY competitive person…that’s who she is. She KNEW of our struggles before she made the sushi comment. Instead of being gentle…knowing what I was going through…she decided to leave a strange comment about sushi on my picture to “break the news to me.”  How insensitive for goodness sake!!!

The SECOND thing I want to make crystal clear is that I have NEVER gotten upset by someone asking me when I was having children, or if I plan to have children. I am perfectly aware that this is a completely acceptable question. I never get upset by the question, and in fact I have been very upfront and honest when people DO ask...though that is not easy, this is a part of my life right now, so when I am comfortable....I try and be as open and honest as I feel is appropriate when people ask. What I do get upset over is when someone CONSTANTLY brings it up. Asking once is perfectly fine…but asking over and over again when you are clearly making me or my husband uncomfortable is completely unacceptable. Once you’ve asked the question….leave it at that. My post was simply stating that it is not appropriate to keep asking when you don’t know another’s situation. Yes, the neighbor lady would probably feel bad for asking if she knew our situation....but that's my point, she doesn't! I won't hold this against her because that's just not my nature, and I am mainly using her as an example here of how we infertiles get treated, and WHY it isn't okay. I'm just asking for a bit of common sense here. If you don't know someone's situation.....then don't keep asking them the same questions and making the same comments towards them. It breaks my heart that my husband has had to deal with the constant questioning and insensitive comments.

Another thing I’d like to point out from the “anonymous” comments is that I have NEVER referred to people as “fertile” or “infertile.” Though I see why others do this, I choose not to. I don’t see the world that way…I don’t see every woman falling into one of only two categories. There is too much grey area….we just don’t fall into one box or the other. There are thousands of reasons why someone may be having a difficult time getting pregnant naturally, but that doesn’t automatically make them “infertile” in my mind. So, before you go over-generalizing every single person who is writing an infertility blog…maybe you should learn a little bit about them before you go leaving nasty comments and sweeping generalizations. It is unfair to read ONE post on someone’s blog….someone you know nothing about and automatically place them into a box. You don’t know me. I don’t know you.

I may be going through a difficult time trying to conceive a baby…but please don’t insult my intelligence. The comments were really ridiculous…plain and simple. I’m mean…come on…..A divorced woman? A nice car? A vacation? You are comparing my situation to those things? Really? When did I EVER say I wanted people to hide their joys from me? I didn’t. Because I don't feel that way. While I am upset over my own infertility situation, I certainly don't sit around "stewing" over other people's joys. I have my own joys to celebrate! The post below had nothing to do with not celebrating other people's joys...the post below was simply regarding having sympathy to people's situations.

The comments from the “anonymous” were quite clearly from people who have never struggled with infertility. Though I found it a bit funny that they feel they have so much “wisdom” on the subject. You have NO IDEA what this journey is like, you have no idea how we feel from day to day, or what is in our hearts, you have no idea what we’ve been through, you have no idea of the fight we’ve gone through and are still going through, you have no idea of the tears we’ve cried, the pain and anguish we’ve felt, the mourning we’ve done….month after month.   YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!!!

So, to any “anonymous” commenters that have nothing nice to say……BUZZ OFF, you are NOT welcome here!!!