I'm glad that I decided to document each day of my IVF journey on this blog, I also pat myself on the back for titling each post the way I have...with the CD I am on. I noticed a few of you have picked up on the what I was doing and adopted it for your own blog. You must have thought it was a good idea too!
I can't believe how much I have been through in the past 20 days. What a roller coaster the past 20 days have been! Ups Downs All-Arounds....Wow Wow Wow!! Never in a million years did I think at CD 20 I'd be where I am now....50 eggs retrieved 9 days ago, with severe OHSS, 2 weeks at home, with all of my perfect embryos in the freezer. NEVER did I think my IVF cycle would end up this way! It just goes to show that you can't plan your IVF....I had heard that a million times before going into this, but I didn't fully "get it" until I actually went through it.
Going into this, I thought FOR SURE we would be transferring two embryos. I wasn't 100% sure I was okay with twins, however in the back of my mind I was thinking "well, if we are going through all this, we might as well give ourselves every chance to be successful, if we transfer two and one doesn't make it, then we'll still be pregnant." Of course, I thought...but if both make it, then we'll have twins and that is fine too! This was all before I knew what the quality of our embryos were....this changes everything. Reality has officially set in!
I never thought it my dreams that we would have all of these perfect AA embryos. The embryologist informed me that these types of embryos are pretty rare and that any we transfer will "stick" and we WILL get pregnant. Yes, this changes things. Now, I am second guessing myself.....
I know I don't have to decide for another 6 weeks, but I can't stop thinking about it and obsessing. Am I REALLY okay with twins? Can my body handle twins? Can we handle twins with absolutely no family nearby? Am I okay with the possibility of increased complications and the likelihood of early bed rest? Will my twins be born safe and healthy (which of course is the most important thing in all this....I just want healthy babies!) Could we do this? If we transfer only one....what if the embryologist is wrong and we don't get pregnant? Will I regret only transferring one? Luckily, we have plenty of other embryos if this first try doesn't "take." We paid for the 6-try program and this whole thing only counts as "one try" since we had to freeze all of our embryos. But, we are ready NOW!!!
We can afford twins. I plan to quit my job as soon as I give birth, and it would be fine to leave my job earlier if I need to go out on bed rest. We are blessed that my husband makes plenty of money to support our family and household, we don't need my income.
All of these things makes the decision that much more difficult!
I think these thoughts are going to haunt me for the next 6 weeks. I go back and forth on a minute to minute basis...I'm not kidding here. DH is leaving this up to me since I am the one that has to carry the babies, but he has the same concerns as I do.
Oh, why can't I just have to make NORMAL decisions like everyone else?!?!
8 comments:
Twins... yup, lots to think about! LOL! I do have DOUBLE the worry now! But I just have to remember that God only gives us what he believes we can handle. I know our twins are gifts from above, which does alieviate some of the stress and worry ;-)
Plenty of people implant 2 and end up with one healthy baby... but you can implant 2 and end up with 4 (not as likely!)! The possibilities are endless... take time to pray about it!
I know everyone is different and there are no guarantees no matter how confident the doc and embryologist seem to be. That said, we also had lots of "AA" embryos and were told by our embryologist that she almost could guarantee we were going to get pregnant with one embryo and that if we transferred two we would very likely have twins. We still thought we would transfer 2 up until my legs were in stirrups. Then our doc asked me what it would look like financially, job-wise, and health-wise if I ended up having complications and needing bedrest. He scared me enough to rethink it, and I ended up with a very healthy singleton pregnancy. If you can financially handle the possibility of doing a worst case scenario second FET, I would try just one of your perfect embryos. Of course that's easy for me to say now, and oh man did I have doubts then. But I just think the world of everyone at Conceptions and I trust their judgment!
Thanks for all of the great opinions...I appreciate them....a lot!
Lisa, sounds like you were in my exact same shoes! I'm assuming Jen was your embryologist? Glen, is actually ours. Dr. Bush is leaving the decision completely up to us (so me!) Yes, we can try as many FETs as we want....we paid for the 6 try refund program, and this whole cycle only counts as one try...Dr.Bush is looking at it all as one cycle, even though it is over a 3 month time period. So, we have 5 more tries after this.
We can also afford twins...I plan to quit my job after I give birth. We are blessed that my husband makes plenty of money to support our household. We are prepared for me to have to quit my job early to go on bed rest...that would be fine.
So, I guess either way you look at...we'd be fine. We can do more FETs if we need, but we can also afford all that comes with twins. Which makes the decision even more difficult!
Every post I think we've topped this "evil twin" business.
So....last night this was the pillow talk with my husband. Same exact feelings. Same exact situation (only 31 not 50 - which still blows my mind by the way...).
We are totally torn. I was actually pretty good about it until in all my my OHSS laziness I saw the program on TV called "Making Room For Multiples". Scared the junk right out of me.
I've learned when it comes to IVF, normal decision making goes out the window! I am so thrilled you have such perfect embryos waiting for you. It would be a very difficult decision to make. (hugs)
Hi, I've stumbled across your blog from another friend of mine. I haven't been through the IVF process, so I can't say I understand what you're going through and the decisions you have to make. However, I do have twins. 18 months old yesterday, ornery little boys!
I often think about how life could be easier with just 1 child, but seeing them play together, always having each other is one of the best feelings I've had as a mother. I wouldn't trade having twins for anything.
Yes, it's scary. Worrying about your body handling twins during pregnancy, worrying about your babies health and possible complications. Worrying that you'll be overwhelmed when they get here. It's a lot to handle, but in the end (for me) entirely worth it.
I'm not trying to sway your decision one way or another, I just want to tell you to discuss it thoroughly with your hubby and pray about it. Let God handle the rest.
Great news to have such great embryos... I know how you feel re decision to have 2 put back in or not. You've got plenty of time to decide but I agree with elephantscanremember.... decision making becomes very difficult in this haze of emotion and drugs xo
Krista, we actually worked with a doctor and embryologist who have both since left CRA, which makes me a little sad because I fell in love with them on a weird level. We originally were set to work with Glen, but at the last minute we were set up with someone else. Anyway, no matter what you choose it will be the right choice for you. Just remember that!
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