Feel free not to read this post. I am feeling terrible, and I don’t want to bring a lot of negativity into a lot of your lives who need a lot of positivity and optimism right now. I had a really terrible night, and I just need to get it out.
I was feeling really good yesterday, as you could all tell from my post yesterday morning. Well, I got home last night and all of the sudden I felt like a ton of bricks had been dropped on my head. As a side note, I usually do not get bad PMS symptoms…a little crampy a few days before AF arrives, but not a lot of crankiness, even my DH would tell you he has no idea when AF is about to arrive because I just don’t get real cranky like a lot of women do. Well, last night….I was BEYOND cranky. DH and I made dinner together and I honestly almost had to leave the kitchen because I was SO cranky….for no reason. Poor DH!
Then, I started crying and couldn’t stop. I am NOT a big crier either. I had no reason to be crying. Then, I got so mad at my dog because he wouldn't stop messing with his bed (he jumps around it, scratches at it, nips at it) after I told him multiple times to STOP! Finally I threw my fists down on the couch and told him if he didn't stop I was going to drop him out the 2nd floor window!!!! This was no joke either…not that I’d ever do of course, I love him to death…but it wasn’t a funny joke either.
I finally went to bed and at about 1am I woke up with horrible menstrual-like cramps. I couldn’t fall back asleep because they were bothering me so much. I finally got up and took a Tylenol. Then, I laid there and started getting huge amounts of anxiety because I had convinced myself that this did not work, that AF was arriving or trying to arrive. I can’t figure out why I’d be having cramps like that! When I finally fell asleep, I had the most crazy/vivid dreams EVER! I feel like I am going crazy!
Today, I woke up and the cramps are mostly gone (well, they are dulled now to how they have been over the past week or so.) I still feel very emotional and cranky. DH drove me to work today and in the car I told him that I feel so extremely cranky that I can’t even stand myself, that I feel like I have PMS times 100, and that I thought I was going to start crying at any second (and even got teary, but held it back because there was no reason to start crying!!)
I just don’t get it! What is wrong with me?! I am now convincing myself that this did not work and that AF is trying to arrive. Would the hormones be doing this to me all of the sudden? I am doing 3 progesterone suppositories, 2 estrogen patches, 1 estrogen suppository, plus I did my last hcg booster last night.
I feel like my body is going crazy and I’ve never felt this way before. I am getting worried that AF is arriving, I am having PMS symptoms, but they are being multiplied by 100 because of all of the emotions that are wrapped up in all that is happening right now. Plus, I had no idea the amount of cramping I'd have through this process...it is VERY unsettling!
Any words of wisdom?
34 comments:
Oh sweetie I am so very sorry you are feeling like this! It has to be the hormones combined with the anxiety that comes with waiting! I hope today is a little better for you. I think the cramping is a really good sign! When I was pregnant with Ben I had the worst cramping ever. I kept telling myself that I was going to get the worst period ever because they were so bad and then low and behold it was from a baby snuggling in!! Sending lots of love my friend!!
I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. The 2WW is so hard! Just wanted to let you know during my last IVF I had every PMS symptom in the book...was crying because I had cramps and was absolutely convinced there was no way it worked, and I ended up pregnant. So the symptoms you are having are not a bad sign. Hang in there!
xoxo
Do you see that list of HORMONES you are taking? Deep breaths... you are doing GREAT! Its all those meds!!!! Cramping is normal as well. I actually had cramping most of first trimester :) Hang tight... a few more days!!!
Krista, I happened upon your blog today and I just wanted to tell you that I think your symptoms are very suggestive of a pregnancy! My first pregnancy "symptom" after my IVF was vivid dreams! I started having them a few days after my 5 day transfer. The fact that you are so crampy and emotional really leads me to believe you might be pregnant! I just have a good feeling about it and I just wanted to let you know I am rooting for you! Best of luck to you!
I'm sorry you had a rough night. And I think it's perfectly natural to at some point feel during the TWW that whatever treatments you did didn't actually work. Deep breaths and positive thoughts are about all you can try to do at this point! FX! :)
You sound like just the sort of monster I was during my IVF two-week-waits. And last time around, even though I thought there were "bad signs" and a lack of "good signs", IT WORKED! So maybe your symptoms don't mean PMS times 100, but rather PREGNANT times TWO!!
I'm sorry you are dealing with this right now. 2ww's suck so bad. Hang in there, and good luck!
Aww honey! It's totally normal pregnant with one, two or pms to act like a crazy person. I saw if it happens longer than a day it's not pms. Mine only makes me a bitch for a day. I think it's a good sign!!!! Hang in there!!!!!
Hmm, it sounds promising to me. Hang in there.
The hormones are hard, very hard on your body. Try to plan stuff for yourself to take your mind off of the waiting. On the other hand, when I finally DID get a BFP, I kept saying, wow, it's like I have PMS x 1000! SO... here's rooting for the BFP!!!
Sounds like pregnancy to me, kid. ;) There are a LOT of hormones going into that little body of yours. Deep breath... you can get through this. Big hugs!!!
Yeah, I'm with the other ladies on this one. I think your BFP is right around the corner.
I had cramping the entire week after my transfer. But the bottom line is the insanity is all part of the hormones - progesterone is responsible for the crazy dreams, estrogen is responsible for the crying and crankiness. And it sounds like they are spiking - which usually only means one thing....
Can't wait to hear your good news. =)
All those hormones combined with the stress of the TWW just throws you out. I hope that it just means taht your BFP is around the corner. Big hugs it is really hard this wait but you are almost at the finish line. xxxx
Oh, you guys are all making me feel so much better. I didn't even think that this could be pregnancy related, until you all mentioned it. I figured it was PMS or from the hormones I am pumping into my body. Now, the more I think about it, the more I think they do sound more pregnancy related than PMS related. Oh, how I would LOVE for this to be true!! I love all you guys!!!
hahaha!! i couldnt help but laugh. i was like that for 9 whole months when i had my son. i'd take it as a good sign. :)
As most people have already said-cramps CAN be good... I knew this too but it didn't make it any easier when I actually started feeling them!I first felt them on Day 6 after our transfer and they are still continuing-sometimes quite strong and burning....and I had a couple of days where I was highly emotional which a few people said could be from the progesterone. I know it's still scary but I hope that helps give you a bit of hope- one peice of advice my mum gave me in the first few days was to just accept that the stress and worry is part of the process and go with it-as I had been beside myself with fear that the stress I was feeling was ruining everything.So once I did accept that, I actually felt a little better. Hang in there honey!!! xoxo
Love you girl! Fingers crossed!
Im sorry, but being super angry can happen with pregnancy. I know of someone who 'couldn't stand herself' and tested just because she was so angry, and to her surprise it was a BFP. But in saying that, I get super angry with PMS. I think with your hormones and the magnified pain and anxiety from the 2WW, its just messing with you. We are all here for you, and I can let you in on a secret.. I am actually rehearsing a dance for you too, cause you liked Ants's dance so much. So be prepared to be blown away by the technical difficulty!
Lots of love xoxo
Tee
Honestly, those sound like pregnancy symptoms to me, not PMS. I was INSANELY cranky my first three weeks of being pregnant and I know I wasn't making it up in my head, because I really thought that that cycle had been a wasted one.
Keepy your head up and don't beat yourself up about these emotionts, pregnancy or PMS, you can't control them.
Sounds like such a rough time! Hang in there and shout it out... we're here!
Hun, please don't be so hard on yourself. You are doing great, considering your body is practically a lab project at the moment.
You know, I had a similar breakdown though with hysterical sobbing added in, around this time in my 2WW, and it was actually instigated by the intense cramping I was having, and how much that scared me. In the end it turned out I was pregnant and that was why I was feeling that way. I know this is just anecdotal, but it makes me think these might all be very good signs.
I hope you're feeling much better as I write this. The progesterone and other hormones are definitely contributing to your moods. Although this is also a sign of a PG. I remember getting really pissed off before I got my BFP - cramps were sky high too. After I found out I was PG a friend commented that the moods could also be contributed by testosterone because I was having a boy! Hmm, can't wait to see Tee's dance-off!
oooo a boy. I like the previous posters comment. My fingers are crossed for you. I feel bad for anyone going through this. All these meds just play with your head and your heart. Stay positive!
You are SO preggers! Hang in there hun! I'm thinking about ya and praying for you! I
I felt like a crazy woman after my last cycle (which did result in a BFP). I kept blaming it on the drugs (especially the Crinone) but it turned out I was pregnant.
I hope it's the same for you and you will be sharing a BFP with us all!!! xx
Aw, Krista....what a horrible place to be in. And then you start feeling guilty for feeling that way in the first place. Ugh! I hate that! I'm with everyone else....these symptoms sound like pregnancy symptoms to me. Crossing my fingers that they are all just another thing to add to your list of "it was worth it." ;)
As everyone else said, early pregnancy symptoms are pretty much the same as PMS symptoms (but sometimes worse). The progesterone I took after my IUI made me so incredibly moody. I also had cramping that felt just like menstrual cramps. Don't be so hard on yourself for feeling emotional. You are physically and emotionally going through A LOT right now. I hope today is a better day :)
I'm so sorry. It's so hard being in the 2WW. I know how it is to overanalyze any and every symptom, or lack thereof, and to be sure it spells impending AF....the best advice I have heard, though it doesnt make the 2ww any easier, is that you can't know till you know, and trying to read the signs really doesn't lend much accuracy to the HPT result. GL to you.
you are going through a lot..plus with all those hormones running through your body. I wish I could give you some wisdom, but I have never been through the 2ww with a massive amount of hormones. It must be very frustrating and scary...waiting for the bfp and having horrible cramps.
I was going to agree with everyone and say you are so totally pregnant! I can't wait to see that we are all right!
Breathe....Breathe....Breathe....
Get a paperbag, put your head between you knees...and just BREATHE!
(I think you're prego. And your having sympathy pains for me because I'm about to start my cycle...when I'm not supposed to start my cycle. Maybe I better just breathe too....)
p.s. holy crap look at all these comments!
So sorry you are feeling like this:( I sure hope we are all right and these are all just pregnancy symptoms:) Keep your chin up!!!
Krista, look at all of the meds you're on, and the fact that you just took an HCG booster last night. Pregnant women are super emotional and have very vivid dreams and what is coursing through their bodies naturally??? HCG and progesterone!!!!! It is a very emotionally charged time, and I wouldn't look forward to it getting any better until you have beta results unfortunately because you're still going to be on the meds and I'm hoping that the HCG will climb and climb for you and after your beta you can look back and giggle a bit about how upset you were and that it must have been a symptom. Hang in there and feel free to vent, that tww is a killer!
All those hormones can definitely cause terrible emotions.... I can remember feeling exactly as you describe and friends how went on to BFPs also felt like that too... this last part of the cycle is soooo hard. FXd for you... love always xoxo
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