I woke up yesterday morning (March 1st) and the first thing I thought about was…OMG, this is THE month! The month that could make all of our dreams a reality! DH and were getting ready in the bathroom and he was asking when the first day of spring usually is….I told him it is usually the 3rd week in March, then I said “right around our transfer!” He just kinda laughed, and I said “can you tell I am nervous and that this on my mind a lot?” It seems like everything I think about is somehow centered around the transfer, and when we might find out we are pregnant, and when we might be able to tell friends and family, and when we might be due…..I just can’t help it! In all of the 3 years since we’ve been at this, right now is the closest we’ve ever gotten to FINALLY being pregnant and becoming parents.
At the start of January when we initially started down the path of IVF, I felt like there were SO MANY hurdles I still had to cross, that I really didn’t feel like I was any closer to being pregnant than months before that. Between getting past ovulation in December, then getting cleared to start the lupron, then waiting for AF to start, then the cyst scare at my baseline U/S, then getting cleared to start stims, then responding too vigorously to the stims, then nearly getting my cycle cancelled every day during stims, then finding out all of our embryos would be frozen, then having to trigger 4 days early, then getting severe OHSS and being so ill for 2 weeks…..I just felt like I was no closer, there were too many obstacles to overcome!
But, now the only hurdle we have to jump through is the transfer….getting a beautiful embryo “to stick.” It just makes me FINALLY feel like I am THAT much closer to being a Mom. I’ve waited so long, and I’ve had so many disappointments. DH and I were really sliding down the path of pessimism when it came to having children, we were losing hope. …it’s just been so long, how you can still have hope after 3 years?
Our hope has really been restored over the last few weeks. As I’ve mentioned before, we are letting ourselves say “when we have kids” again. I let myself look at nursery décor, I let myself do research on bottles and breastfeeding and strollers, and the best ways to stay healthy during pregnancy. I’ve never let myself go here before. I sure hope I am not setting myself up for a severe disappointment. It just feels so good to be optimistic again. To feel close, for the first time in years to actually becoming a mother.
16 comments:
You are definitely a huge step closer to being a mum :)) Great that you've only got a little longer to wait until your transfer and sounds like a good omen that it coincides with the start of spring xoxo
It is great you are so close to your FET. When do you start hormones? I am so excited for you, and you are right, you are closer than ever. I'm guessing you are planning to put in 2 based on your wording, right?
Do you have MF infertility issues or only the PCOS? I saw you tried Clomid and IUI's and I would love to talk to you more about your experience.
This is such an exciting time! I'm super hopeful things go off without a hitch and you end up with a baby! I hope you are able to stay relaxed. I can't imagine how hard that's gonna be. :-)
Weep, I say. You made me weep...
(please God let this be a sign that AF is coming so I can have a March FET too!)
I'm so excited for you and your FET so soon! It's great to see your excitement and your optimism, I think that's a terrific thing.
I just read through all of your OHSS posts and I'm so grateful that you wrote all about your struggle. I wish you hadn't gone through all of that, it sounds awful. But after my trigger shot yesterday I've been feeling increasingly sick- nauseau and dizzy...I thought it was just the cabergoline but it's really pretty bad. So I started researching a bit about OHSS symptoms and nothing helped as much as reading about your experience. Again- I'm so sorry you had to go through it. But thank you for documenting it for those of us who can get a little more prepared.
It sounds like you had an EXTREME case...that's just awful. I'm so glad that you got such beautiful embryos to freeze so you won't have to go through stims again!!!
Woohoo! Hoping you'll soon be trading the countdown on top of your blog for a pregnancy one!
Great positive attitude you have right now! Perfect way to walk into your next cycle. Wishing you lots of luck and I hope the time passes quickly. xx
I am sooo happy that you "see the light at the end of the tunnel"!
I hope that spring brings you a BFP!!!!!
It is getting sooo close!
I think that optimism is a must right now! I mean as much as we prepare ourselves for something bad, it would still hurt rather "prepared" or not. I believe in the mind/body connection so believing is the best thing I think you can so right now. I am excited and hopeful for you right now too! Best wishes!
Its good to be optimistic. good for you.
I'm SO EXCITED for you!! New beginnings are right around the corner!!!!
We all deserve to have these moments when we just get to be in the moment and be hopeful! I wish you two all the best with your ET.
Lots to look forward to that first week of spring! Here's to keeping that optimism and getting the best Christmas present ever! Not much longer...
Good Luck with your treatment!!
OF COURSE you can only think about the transfer...that's a HUGE deal. I feel good about the spring, too. Here's to hoping it's a fertile time for the flowerbeds and us!
Thanks for your reply. It makes me nervous to see others with the same issues (PCOS) who tried IUI's and weren't successful. When my RE gave us our "game plan" after my surgery he basically talked in three month intervals. He said that IVF could be a possibility if the other options didn't work. I just don't want to wait 9 months to be back at the IVF option... so hard!! How many follicles would you have with your IUI cycles? I was also thinking about just emailing you, let me know if that works better. Hope you had a great weekend!
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