AF is here....

Well, it's official.....I am NOT pregnant! I knew that AF would probably come today, since she came exactly 15 days after my IUI last month. I thought if she was coming, then I would have started spotting yesterday. I kinda got my hopes when when I didn't start spotting sometime during the day. I even went and bought a HPT on my way home from work and told my husband that we would take the test in the morning if AF hasn't arrive yet. I know he got excited too....all these months of waiting, would this possibly be the month it might have finally happened for us!?

Well, last night as I was straightening up the house, I started getting cramps really badly. Right before bed, I went to the bathroom and there was a tiny bit of blood on the toilet paper. My heart sank through the bottom of my feet. I just sat there for a few minutes, unable to move, trying not to cry, trying not to lose it. I didn't say anything to my husband, I just couldn't. More then my own pain, I HATE disappointing and hurting my husband.

Throughout the night, the cramps got worse, and when I woke up this morning....AF was here. My husband got up early to go to a conference, and I did not get up. I knew if I did, he'd ask if AF had come, if I was going to take the test, etc. I think maybe he knew not to ask since I did not get up. The first day of AF's visit is always the hardest....all of the hopeful feelings that you had during your 2WW are completely crushed, and you know that another month has passed you by, and that it will be another month before you have any chance of your dreams coming true.

I need to call my RE's office a little later today and ask what our next course of action is. I'm not even sure how many times they try IUI before sending you on your way. It's frustrating trying this month and month, throwing our money down the toilet, and coming up with nothing. I really am ready to move onto IVF, but I don't want to bring it up with my husband again, I need to wait for the right time. I just can't keep waiting and waiting and waiting, and doing these ineffective procedures.