17 Weeks 4 Days

I had my bi-weekly appointment this morning....only with the NP so pretty uneventful. I was hoping for an ultrasound because I've gotten used to this at every appointment, and a bit spoiled in getting one every two weeks. But she told me that we'd only do it if she couldn't get two distinct heartbeats on the doppler. I was a bit bummed out about this but this particular NP said she doesn't usually do 2nd trimester ultrasounds so would have to go grab a doc if I insisted or if we couldn't find heartbeats. I decided that if we could hear the heartbeats that I'd be okay with that since I have my big anatomy scan is one week. Fortunately, the heart beats were pretty easy to find. They were both moving around a lot so she did have a bit of a hard time getting the doppler to record the rates once she found them, but eventually we got two strong distinct heart beats. Yay! Oh, and my fundal height is measuring 22 weeks....wowee!

I also had my first counseling session last week for the anxiety. I think it was helpful. She basically thinks I might be suffering from a bit of post traumatic stress.....the last 3 years of dealing with infertility (the emotional, mental and physical aspects) being the trauma and now dealing with the after effects of the trauma. I suppose it does make sense even though I think there are other factors involved too....just trying to wrap my head around being pregnant with twins after fighting so hard for it for so long, and being able to accept that I might actually have two babies in my arms in 5 months...I just haven't been able to wrap my head around it yet. I haven't been able to let go of the worry that something will go wrong....I do think this is getting better each week but it is definitely still a big part of my life. The counselor encouraged me to try and not push the fear away but to deal with it....but only let myself deal with it at certain times of the day. If I get worried and it isn't the time I've chosen to deal with it...I am supposed to not let the fear seep in. But, wait until the certain time of the day that I've chosen to deal with it. I admit I haven't started doing this yet....mostly because I've managed to keep the fear at a level that I can handle....which basically has been no anxiety attacks.

I've actually been letting myself get out and about a bit more too. Since the nausea and vomiting are pretty much gone (except when I go to the grocery store...the nausea does come back,) and the anxiety is getting better....I figure it is time to leave the house. I went to Matt's 10k race last weekend to cheer him on, and I also went to a good friend's baby shower (an afternoon tea at a cool old hotel in Denver,) this past weekend. It was nice to get out of the house and feel like a normal person again...instead of a sick anxiety-ridden crazy lady! I even enjoyed talking about my pregnancy at the shower and the girls got a kick of my cute little baby bump!

How Far Along: 17 Weeks 4 Days

Size of Baby: I think it's two onions this week

Picture of Baby: None this week but I'll have some really good ones next week!

Maternity Clothes: I'm definitely out of my normal clothes now, but it is still too hot to start wearing the maternity clothes that I bought. I am still in the gauchos (and quickly getting sick of them.) I am excited to wear my new maternity jeans, leggings and long sleeve tees as soon as the weather decides to cool down.

Weight Gain: 15 pounds

Belly:

Stretch Marks: Not yet!

Sleep:  Sleep has been pretty good. I am falling asleep easily and sleeping for a good chunk of time before I wake up and either have to turn to the other side, use the bathroom or blow my nose. Unfortunately, the "bottom leg" that I am on has started getting very achy (even with pillow in-between my legs,) so turning to the other side is a must. By the morning, both sides are pretty achy, but are okay once I get up and move around. I am still waking up pretty early hungry, but eating a breakfast bar real quick usually gives me a few more hours of sleep before I have to get up and eat a real breakfast. I am also using the snoogle pillow a bit more, but don't use it through the entire night.

Best Moment of the Week: Hearing babies heart beats!

Movement: I think I might have started feeling a little something every now and again....it's very faint and I am not 100% positive. But, every once in awhile I feel a little something that feels almost like a muscle twitch  or a popcorn popping in my belly. I'm excited to feel this consistently and know exactly what it is!

Symptoms: Symptoms have definitely decreased over the past week...no more nausea (except going to the grocery store.) I am mostly dealing with fatigue, constant hunger (but filling up quickly,) small headaches, and the nose/sinus problems.

Food Cravings: I can't say I've exactly had any real "cravings," but I do have to have my once a day apple. Oh, and I did manage to get through two bags of all-natural boulder BBQ chips in the past week....I told Matt that the babies love them so I have to eat them...what are ya gonna do? Otherwise...mostly healthy stuff that I know will be good for the babies is what I like to eat most. The tea sandwiches at the baby shower were soooooo good, I wanted to eat the entire platter but I got full pretty fast!

Gender: One week.....we are soooooooooooo excited!!!!!

What I Miss: Sleeping through the night mostly

What I'm Looking Forward to: Seeing the babies again. Finding out the sexes of the babies and starting to order baby stuff!

Weekly Wisdom: Dealing with pregnancy after infertility is VERY different than a regular pregnancy...know this so that you can better deal with all that comes with that.

Milestones: Each day is a milestone

Emotions: Back and forth between excited an anxious....always grateful for these amazing blessings.