Well, AF arrived on Saturday....just as scheduled. I was not surprised (see previous post.) I was feeling crampy starting Tuesday night and then got really bad cramps Thursday night and started spotting mid-day on Friday. What a disappointment....
Anyway, I am trying to keep my spirits up....but I know I'm not doing a very good job at all. I just don't know what else to do, there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with either of our reproductive systems, so I really don't know what the problem is. My last and only hope is to try my dardest to try not to stress so much, I am a natural stressor and worrier...I just can't help it! But, I am going to make a conscious effort with my next cycle to RELAX. I have also cleaned up my diet even further. Honestly, I do have a pretty good diet. But, I suppose I could cut out my one cup of coffee a day and the little bit of sugar I do have. I have no idea if either of these will do me any good, but what other options do I have here?
So, let me count this all up:
- At least $5,000 (so far) flushed down the toilet
- Sex on command...even when you've already done it the last two days in a row, and it's the last thing you want to do. Then, you don't want to do it for at least the next two weeks!
- No one and ONLY vice....my one cup of coffee
- No sugar
- Stress on my marriage that most marriages don't have to deal with
- Putting my life on hold
- Having to plan each month...months in advance
- Hours upon hours taken off of work to attend ultrasounds, blood work appointments, IUI's, etc.....which means no vacation left to speak of
- My husband giving me a shot in my butt each month
- 100 times more stress then I would have if we were not infertile
- Bruises on my arms because the vampires can never seem to find the vein to poke me
- Catheters put up my "lady area" which never seem to quite find their way to the right spot, so I just keep getting poked and poked, until it finally has to be shoved
- A wand shoved up my "lady area" and pressed against my ovaries
- 60 trips to the pharmacy each month...
- Missing my grandmother's funeral so that I could have my IUI, which of course did not take because someone IS, of course, playing a cruel joke on me!
-Feeling sad everytime one of my friend conceives. This is not to say that I am not happy for them, but it always makes me sad because it is a reminder of what I don't have.
- And, my favorite....people feeling uncomfortable to tell me they've conceived or to even talk about pregnancy around me. Then, friends pulling away when they are pregnant because they don't want to hurt me.
Anyway, that was a bit of a rant. Plans for this month are to do the same thing as last month. When I spoke to the nurse on Saturday, she did tell me that it looks like we finally found the right formula, now everything else just has to fall into place. PLEASE GOD let this happen for us!
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