Holy Shit! I'm 5 Weeks Pregnant!!!!!

Yep....those thoughts go through my head about every...hmmm...minute or so!!!

I wanted to first thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all of the sweet comments and messages this week. I just felt like you were all so sincerely happy for me, and that made me feel so good….so thank you!!!! Even though we aren't sharing our news with real life friends and family yet, it was SO nice to have somewhere to share my good news.... the outpouring of love was so great. You guys all know what we've been through to get here, and so you all know how much more special this is than most people in our real life, so sharing the news with you first has been awesome!

I know there are still many of you that are still down fighting in the trenches, and I just wanted to say that I will do my very very best to always be sensitive to that on this blog, but I also realize that my blog is now going to be turned into the dreaded pregnancy blog…dun dun dun (did you say it in your head?…I did!) So, if any of you need to step away…I will completely understand and no hard feelings at all! I plan to continue to support all of you…I hope that is still okay.

I thought I’d give an update with a few tidbits of information/feelings from this week!

-Once I got the news I didn't know what to do with myself. I was like "am I supposed to DO something?" Like go read a pregnancy book, go get a big new car, buy a maternity dress, figure out the OB situation, figure out a name, go register for a baby, figure out what foods and activities I need to avoid (I did do that,) etc.? What DOES one do when they finally get the news?! Okay...none of that for now, but I sure got the overwhelming feeling that I needed to act!

-I got to discontinue the lovenox! Yay! I have no doubt that this played a big role in those embryos implanting, but now that they are safe in the womb and completely implanted, I get to discontinue! I am very happy about this because those things sting, plus I have some NASTY bruises on my upper thighs which I am looking forward to going away, and not adding anything more to the bruise collection!!

-We have decided not to tell family or any close friends about our pregnancy until after our first ultrasound. This was a decision that Matt and I made together once we found out. We’ve just fought so hard for this and realize it could all be taken away from us at any second, so we are being very cautious! We plan to tell family and few close friends after the ultrasound, but will not make the “official” announcement until after the first trimester. My mom’s birthday is today, so of course I will have to call her and wish her a happy birthday, and it is going to be SO hard not to tell her. But, the thing is…..my mom will be so happy that there is no way she won’t be able to NOT tell my 2 sisters (ages 34 and 14,) and then there is no way those 2 won’t be able to not tell other family members. So we’ve decided…..I can’t even tell my mom now, which is hard!!

-Nausea has already kicked in! Last week it was just a slight queasiness and food aversions, this week….I wake up with full on nausea! Luckily, it gets better with something in my stomach, but I am worried this is only the beginning of a tough first trimester dealing with nausea…but I’ll take it any day to bring home a healthy baby!

-Every time I think that this actually worked, and that I am actually pregnant….which is a lot….I get tears in my eyes. I just can’t believe it! When does that feeling go away that you don’t feel like you are going to start crying every time you think about it?

-I made my first 2 pregnancy purchases!! Some preggy pops (supposed to help with nausea...we'll see!,) and a "what to expect book" from the mayo clinic for my nook!

-Waiting until the 21st to find out if how many babies are in there and if everything looks good is torture! I just want to know….now!! On top of being unbelievably happy, I am terrified we will lose the baby(ies) between now and the 21st.

-I’ve lost weight (no bueno,) since the transfer. My usual weight is right around 105 pounds, but as most of you know….I worked really hard and put on 5-7 pounds over the past few months. I went into transfer weighing about 110 pounds. I am now down to 104 pounds, even though I am eating all the time! I eat every 2 hours to keep nausea down. I am figuring I am losing weight due to my body using up the calories to make the baby(ies). I guess this means I need to eat more!!!

-My grant at work has been extended for another year! Which means I have a job until I leave to raise baby! Yay!!!

-The transition going from fighting with infertility to pregnancy is very strange. There are SO many emotions that happen all at once and you find yourself not sure what to do next. I don't have to fight anymore...what a strange feeling!! My future seems so much clearer and brighter....more then it's ever been in my life. The happiness is sometimes overwhelming...Matt and I wake up each morning and just smile at each other...best feeling in the world.

-I definitely have "survivors guilt" on so many different levels. I won't address those feelings right now, but they are there and they are real. I love each and every one of you so much. I will never take for granted, even for a second what a HUGE miracle this is. It is a miracle in every sense of the word...there is no doubt in my mind. Miracles happen...to ALL of us!!!!